Parenting 101: Find a Worthy Mentor

This is the FIFTH post in a series of SIX

about simple tips that have made a HUGE 

impact on the way I have chosen to raise my 

children.

I've definitely offered the disclaimer that perfect,

I AM NOT-

However, I am 100% confident that these simple

nuggets of advice have made ALL the difference

in how I have raised my children. 

This little Parenting tidbit originates in the Bible-

In the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus is training us on

how to be better people, better stewards and 

ultimately how to become like Him. 

Matthew 7:9-10 offers this counsel, 

"or what man is there of you, whom if his son ask bread, 

will he give him a stone? Or if he ask a fish, will he give him a serpent?”  

I think on this often as I consider the relationship 

I have, or want to have with my children and 

as I ponder over the specific needs that they might have.  

Too scared to go on and too courageous to quit

Someone to give a little one on one encouragement

These verses are especially helpful to me 

when I am faced with a difficult situation with one of our children, 

I try to think more on how my Heavenly Father would 

handle the situation rather than how I WANT to handle the situation. 

In every situation we find ourselves in, 

our Father wants to provide a way for us to learn and 

to become better. 

I try to keep that same focus when I need to council 

or even reprimand our children.

Heavenly Father really wants only what is best for us, 

and we can be sure that He will never give us any less than that. 

I find it so much easier to serve and help my children when 

I keep things in perspective of how our Heavenly Father 

constantly loves, serves, teaches, and guides us. 

No matter what the situation, if I slow down long enough 

to ask myself how a perfect and loving Father would handle 

this exact moment, this exact trial or this exact behavior-

I receive the words I need and the understanding required

to teach a righteous truth to my children. 

It is these moments that always seem to end 

positive for both parent and child.

Balancing weight, size and the center stability

Another aspect of this scripture that I love is that as 

I try to align my parenting style with that of my Heavenly Father, 

my relationship with Heavenly Father increases tremendously. 

I become more aware that everything we are given, 

whether it is a blessing or a trial is a gift from our Father 

and intended for nothing more than our good and our experience.  

I have more faith when things are tough, because I am learning 

that He loves me and only wants what is best for me. 

For me, I have chosen my Heavenly Father as the
pattern for my parenting.
However, I will say,
there are A LOT of people that I know have sincerely
impacted who I am and what type of parent I want to be.
It would be horribly misguiding if I left the influence of
many friends, family members and leaders out of the mix.

The old adage that says 'It takes a village to raise a child'
is right on the money in more ways than one.

Extended Family at a Group Obstacle Course learning the value of team work

Me about to go through the final hole in a spider web of challenge! Honestly the things we can accomplish with teamwork

But ultimately, it is YOU who will influence YOUR children
the most!
At least, in my opinion, that is what I aim for.
There are too many scary and dangerous influences that
have the ability to touch our children's lives
(but that is an entirely different matter altogether)

Find your pattern, mold yourself to it
and do not stray from your values,
your ideals,
your instinct in raising wonderful children.

Parenting 101: Create Oppurtunity

Today, I have the fourth post in my Parenting 101 series :)

If you want a re-cap of what I've suggested already 

start here for the introduction and 

Tip #1 is here
and tips #2 is here

Before I go on, I just really want to let you know

that my home is NOT perfect,

my kids are NOT perfect

Family Photo Flop #12,459

and by all means...

I AM NOT PERFECT- not even close!

What brings me to sharing this advice 

with whoever will listen is an overwhelming sense of 

gratitude that I was not alone in raising my own kiddos.

Every good picture is found in a batch of 250 not so good pictures

Though, I don't want to take away from 

any effort that my hubby and I put into raising our children,

there is NO way I want to take the credit for most of 

the habits and attitudes that we created in our home.

EVERYTHING I have done or will continue to do has been

a direct result of help from above!

I have been prompted to start a habit and not until

several years later have I seen the results of that habit formed.

If I deserve any credit at all,

it has merely been that I've been a good listener. 

Nothing more-

But I promise you that these Parenting Tips are the very core

of how we've raised our own children-

and though they won't create perfect kids-

they will create a more peaceful home environment!

That much I can testify to with all my heart.

So now on to the meat of the matter!

Proverbs 22:6 councils parents to 

“Train up a child in the way he should go; 

and when he is old, he will not depart from it.”

I live by this mantra with my kids-

Create in your homes the opportunity to feel the 

benefits of a job well done

(and by benefits I don't mean a candy bar or 

ice cream cone if they get their homework done)

Create in your home the very personal opportunity to 

feel the spirit and receive answers to prayers. 

This does not just happen naturally in a busy home, 

you have to actively seek and create these opportunities. 

It is important to be prepared at all times to bear testimony 

of the principles you value and want to help your children

appreciate and value as well. 

If we can teach them to find their own 

testimonies while they are in the protection of our homes, 

they will be better prepared to bear that testimony to their friends 

and to stand firm when faced with temptations or trials.

Long ago I had a dear friend give me some council that 

shaped my thoughts and attitudes. 

She is older than I am, she married a little later in life

and never had children. 

I was bemoaning that she had so much time to dedicate

to personal study and worship. 

She said, “Treisha, you were called to be a missionary

and trainer to SIX of God's most valiant soldiers 

that will certainly be needed in our Heavenly Fathers 

army standing for what is truth and righteousness. 

I was called for another work. It’s important that we EACH

fulfill our callings to our better than best ability.” 

I love that she viewed motherhood as missionary work. 

I think my outlook and approach to parenting changed 

a lot that day. I started to view my role as a mother as much 

more than an endless “To Do list” and more of an endless 

“To Teach” list! 

Don't discount the small stuff you do in your homes.

Dedicate one night a week as Family Night,

a night when NO other commitment can interfere, 

including email, texts and social media notifications!

Enjoying an FC Dallas game in Texas

Study the scriptures together-

your kiddos WILL learn from them and with instruction

WILL learn to apply them to their own lives.

Enjoy family meal time- nightly if possible.

It is around the kitchen table to that I learn the most 

about my children. They may not tell me they've had a bad 

day when I say "How was school", but when they are at the 

table and I can SEE their demeanor is lackluster-

I know to push a little harder and get to the core of their needs

BEFORE I send them off to bed to fret over their concerns. 

Raising a Family is truly a TEAM effort- maintain strong family bonds

Consider if you clean your house once a year-

It's a long, tedious & unpleasant job. 

But, if you do just a little cleaning each day & 

with the help of others it goes quick, and 

sometimes you end up having a little fun along the way! 

The same is true with teaching and raising our children, 

especially where spirituality is concerned. 

If we teach spiritual matters in our home infrequently, 

it is a tedious task for our children and we tend to lose their attention. 

But if we share spiritual thoughts and teachings, 

a little each day, we earn their attention and 

they have room enough to receive what we teach. 

Deuteronomy 6:6-7 says, “And these words, 

which I command thee this day, shall be in thine heart: 

And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, 

and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, 

and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, 

and when thou risest up.” 

So basically ALWAYS is a good time for teaching your children

the truth that you want them to learn.

Huddled together on a very COLD day at the beach

ALWAYS is the time for guiding them and instructing them 

on becoming the Adults you want them to be!

One of the scarier moments in my parenting career- I no likey heights!

And ALWAYS is the time to build and fortify the values

that will keep your children safe, secure and prepared 

for a life of joy, peace and fulfillment. 

The Blossom of a Flower

I have been thinking about this for several days
and decided that the thought needed to be put
into writing- maybe just for me-
but hopefully for you too.

I am almost 100% sure that I am not the only
mom/woman/human/adult (pick your noun)
who worries about the life they are living
and if it is the life they should be or COULD be living!

I have been really been struggling since we made
this most recent move!
It's been almost 2 years, for crying out loud-
and I just can't seem to get any semblance of
BELONGING!

Honestly it is the weirdest thing...
I wish I could explain it without sounding WEIRD!

Anyway,
I have offered many prayers on this matter and
a few days ago, I feel that I got a mini-answer
Maybe not an answer,
but definitely a little bit of an understanding.

You see,
I feel like I've been holding back since we moved to Texas-
definitely not on purpose,
and definitely not on everything...
but I've been holding back those things that I love-
love to share, love to create and love to do!

For 9 years we lived somewhere that we loved-

Our beautiful home in small town MN

kind people, great friends, awesome experiences!

Pig Roast in a garage- classic MN entertaining venue

I loved to decorate, craft, scrapbook, sew

Ten years of Ornament Exchange ornamentation- my favorite tradition EVER!!

and mostly I loved to host...

Andover Ward Ten Year Anniversary

ANYTHING and EVERYTHING-

I loved to find a reason to have a bunch
of people together laughing and having a good time!

6th Annual 4th of July Bike Parade

We had a lot of space,

Human Foosball at our 'Nothing Like a Good Friend Party'

a lot of flexibility

Ice Hockey on our Front Yard Pond

and it was simply what I LOVED to do...

Every good Bike Parade ends with a game of Water Baseball

I started hearing some pretty unkind criticism of
the things I loved to do,
and I noticed that I started to hold back and feel
anxious when I wanted to host a party or an activity-
I tried so hard to not allow the unkind remarks of some
to influence my heart,
but I fell prey to human emotion
and the remarks left a sting.

And then we moved...
No one knew me, which meant
no one knew what I did in my spare time
or what talents or skills I had or didn't have

and I found that I became a different version of ME!

We became Beach Bumms to the MAX

To be honest, I liked this version of me quite a bit too...
weekends at the beach,

Muscle Beach... always a FAV

Any Day is a Beach Day

lunch with friends, shopping in the city-
my husband has teased that I was on a 3 year play date :)

And because I felt like a blank slate,
I incorporated some things into my life that I hadn't
taken enough time for before-

Yoga moved from an exercise routine to a way of life

Over time, I started to add some of the old me back
into my life and things were really starting to click
that this could be my new HOME!

Pasta Parties before a Swim Meet

Kids in the Kitchen cooking classes

AND THEN WE MOVED AGAIN!

and I feel like a clean slate that just doesn't dare to be
inked up or colored on.
But I also feel a little lost and a lot lonely-


Now I want to take a minute to say, that
there are some things that I have added to my life
because of where I am emotionally that I LOVE-

So I'm not a male accordion player- but I do spend a lot of time in peaceful contentment

and honestly I wouldn't trade these things for the world-
or for either of my past lives!
 
But it doesn't change the fact that I feel a little disconnected...

So as I was praying one day,
desperate for guidance or understanding,
I envisioned a beautiful flower-

alone in a meadow.
Though the flower was alone amongst all the green foliage,
it was blossoming in it's full glory-
big, colorful and full of God's splendor.

I realized that not for one moment did that flower
hesitate to bloom,

never once did it question how long it
would be able to sustain that blossom nor did it ask
how many people would get to see it's beauty-

The flower blossomed because it was time
AND that is what it was created to do-
to reach it's full potential,
to magnify the measure of its creation.

I thought about this ALL day-
and I asked myself a lot of questions.

Why am I holding back?
What am I holding back?
Who am I waiting to give me permission to live the life
I want to live?
Why do I think it matters where I live to fulfill the full
measure of MY creation?

I loved this visual aid that Heavenly Father gave me.
I do better when I can SEE the lesson-
and I could SEE this!
Not only could I see the flower imagery,
but I could apply it into my own life.

I understand a little more why I feel so disconnected
AND more importantly,
I understand what I need to do to fix it-

I need to consider my life as a wonderful journey-
similar to a walk in a park with little kids!

My kiddos could walk along and gather
anything and everything-
rocks, sticks, leaves...
At the end of the day they were the same
beautiful kids they were at days beginning
(probably a little dirtier)
BUT they had a lot of little treasures to take home with them!
Some we kept,

It's not what you do, but who you do it with that really matters

some we tossed

These treasures weren't tossed, they just all moved on to their own bigger and better

and some were precious enough to display...

Some people come into your life long enough to make a forever imprint on your heart

I just happen to be walking through a much larger park :)

I just need to remember that we have gathered some amazing treasures over the years

Enjoy your day
Enjoy where you are right now
And never let a single day pass by
without living up to the full potential of THAT DAY

Not Gonna Take That Opinion

I went to the doctor the other day.
My arthritis has really been raging
and my allergies are LIKE
way out of control- which is causing
a whole myriad of issues that I
would like to get under control!
So I took this opportunity to try
out a new doctor...

I am desperately searching for a
local doctor that can handle my
health & my wellness!!

I take my health care a little like the good ole'
Donny & Marie song,
"I'm a little bit country,
and a little bit Rock n' Roll"
but more like,
"I want a little bit Western medicine
 
and a little bit Eastern thought"






I have a health issue-
but I don't want it to define
me in any way-
but it's there, and it has
to be considered when thinking
about the whole me-
but let me say again-
I DON'T WANT IT TO DEFINE
WHO I AM OR WHAT I CAN DO!

There is a very fine line,
and a very special balance
between the two...


So I am looking for a doctor who
can manage my lupus,
but more importantly can support my
personal health & wellness goals.

I had just such a doctor in CA,
and she was a gem,
but I just can't seem to find one here
YET! It'll come, I know!

But in the search,
I have found some real doozies!!
(is that a real word?)

The guy I saw a few days ago,
was one such doozie!
After making me wait over an hour
(that don't impressa me much)
and proceeding to talk about
everything that didn't matter to me,
he explained that the reason I don't feel
quite as well here in TX as I did in CA
is because of the constantly changing
barometric pressure,
especially here in North Texas!

Okay, okay, I can believe that weather
plays a PART to how I feel!
He should have stopped there,
I MAY have gone back for a follow up!

But poor guy,
opened his mouth again
(oh such a mistake)
and said the absolutely
WRONG THING
to me-
"I'm afraid that here in North Texas,
this is as good as your gonna get!"
"Umm, what did you say??"
"Oh, sir, you don't know me very well,
this ain't as good as it gets BUDDY"

Don't, I mean, DO NOT
ever take "this is as good as it gets"
as an answer in ANY part of your life.
If I share one piece of information
that is very valuable concerning
health and wellness, it is this-
If you don't like the advice,
it isn't for YOU!!
What sounds ok to one person,
is not ok for another!!

You and ONLY YOU own your
health! Take control, be picky
about who you allow to handle your
health!
Know your body, and if you don't-
get to know it.
 
We get one body, and it is precious.

Being knee deep in flare ups for the past
10 years has taught me one of the most
important lessons of all-
this body is a gift,
a beautiful gift-
it houses a beautiful spirit
full of more good than any of us
can even imagine!
Treat your body good, respect it,
love it and NEVER abuse it!!
If you do that-
you will know NO limitations
spiritually, mentally and physically!

Take a minute and ponder that truth-
and maybe take a minute to think
of all the good that this body has given you!

Small & Simple

I read this quote a few weeks ago-
  
     "A life is not important
       except in the impact it
      has on others"

Two beautiful women enjoying the simple joy of being together

It has totally had a HUGE impact on my heart!
 

This idea is something I think about a lot-

My daughter is currently dedicating her time
to full time service as a missionary for our church-
But she's NOT doing anything HUGE or GRANDIOSE-
She is simply serving the people she meets,
showing beauty to people that they've forgotten they have,
and spreading a message of LOVE & HOPE!

Spreading this sweet smile across the Alps

My mom was AWESOME at the impact she
left on people's hearts.
I didn't realize this when she was alive,
but in letters I received after her death,
it became apparent that the one common
trait that ALL of her friends loved about her
was that she was always thinking of others,
thinking of ways to serve, to care
and to show her love for those around her.

No one was an underdog when my mom
was around-

I think people like this are a rarity these days.
It's a busy, all consuming world-

We've moved a lot in our marriage-
It's kind of easy to feel a little
unneeded when you are a lot unknown.
As a result I've really wondered if I will
leave the impact that I should
or that I would like to leave.

Hubby and I have been talking about this lately
as he is feeling WAY overwhelmed with new
work and church responsibilities. He feels a little
like the well for water is dry-
How do you give when you have nothing left to offer??

Well, today at the gym, I was hit with an overwhelming
gratitude for the simplest act you can even imagine!
It reminded me of the adage
     "By small and simple things are great things brought to pass"

A simple flower and warm, fuzzy socks helped when a very homesick daughter needed to feel loved

I was doing something and all of a sudden my neck
kinked up, my back locked up and I couldn't GET UP!!

As I struggled out of the gym,
a friend (who I only socialize with at the gym)
ran after me to see if I was ok-
Another followed with ibuprofen
and another followed with ice and advice to get
through the rest of the day-

To me,
at this moment in time,
these SUPER SIMPLE acts of service were HUGE-
but to these women,
I can almost be sure they seemed like NOTHING!

Taking flowers to a lonely and sad friend

When I got home,
hubby had completely cleaned up the breakfast dishes
that I created!
I was running late and left the kitchen a mess,
so he stayed long enough to get things put away,
dishes done
and counters washed off-

He knows I hate coming home to crusty dishes,
so he took the extra time to clean up for me.
He had no idea I would hurt myself at the gym,
no idea I would come home and want to rest-

When I thanked him,
he said it "Your welcome, it was no big deal",
it took him less than 5 minutes-

HELLO,
To me, this was worth far more
then the 5 minutes-
it was a priceless gift that allowed me
the ability to relax,
ice my neck
and recover from a massive migraine!
No Big Deal, MY FOOT!

Double Rainbows always remind me that great things ALWAYS follow a Storm

So I wonder,
how often do we give something so simple away
that we don't even realize we have just been
the answer to someones prayer,
the life line they've been pleading for,
the ray of hope that someone needs to move one step forward?

A quick hike to a beautiful place helped erase the emotions of a disappointing week

If you're like me,
stop underestimating how BIG
those Small and Simple things can be-

A million dollars couldn't have bought the joy we felt this unexpected SNOW filled day

A Day For Heroes

A few months ago,
my husband and I walked into a theater
for date night to see a movie that neither
of us had heard of.
It was a sport movie, so hubby was excited.
It was date night, so I was up for anything
as long as it involved a treat!!

"A life is not important except in the impact it has on other lives" Jackie Robinson

The movie was about this athlete and
how much he had to endure to become
who he was- and he was one of the GREATS!

Last weekend we went to see another movie
that left me feeling a little cheated.
It was a movie that covered the life of a man
during the later years of Southern servitude,
segregation and racial hostilities.

I didn't feel cheated by the story line or the
accuracy of the film-
I felt cheated because at the very end,
when we had a chance to see the impact
this man's family had on history-
the producers turned the movie into
a political statement-

Now, I'm seriously not here to post about
politics, social issues, or even opinions-

But today, September 11, my heart has been
touched by some of the clips, songs and stories
of the attacks on America 12 years ago.

http://www.buzzfeed.com/adriancarrasquillo/50-powerful-photos-of-humanity-and-solidarity-in-the-years-s

I have been pondering all day why I get so
emotional in movies that highlight the stories
of great people who overcame horrific hardship-
When I say I get emotional,
I mean, I GET EMOTIONAL!!

This morning I realized why I didn't like the
most recent movie I saw, why I LOVED the
first movie I mentioned and why I cry at
Country Western songs and so many other things!

 http://www.buzzfeed.com/adriancarrasquillo/50-powerful-photos-of-humanity-and-solidarity-in-the-years-s

I love a hero story-
I know there has been so much suffering in this world
and I don't have any intention of minimizing that-

but this is a world of heroes!! And that's what I love!
I love a story where someone took lemons
and made lemonade.
I love a story where the underdog comes out ahead.
Not rose colored glasses kind of love either-
I realize with 100% awareness that heroes are
made out of hardship
and most of the time, the hero in them
was a choice NOT because they had
super hero training

Pioneers hoping for a better life for their families

This is the admiration of someone who knows how
hard it is to wake up in the morning when all hope
seems to be lost!
But there is a choice group of people
who when all else seems to be falling apart-
they get to work and BECOME a hero. 

Sad as it is,
hardship happens to the best of us-
tragedy impacts or lives whether we like it or not-

http://www.buzzfeed.com/adriancarrasquillo/50-powerful-photos-of-humanity-and-solidarity-in-the-years-s

but out of hardship, trial, adversity, sin,
warfare, cruelty, persecution and ignorance
HEROES are made out of normal men and women.

I ask myself every day,
would I have the strength and the courage to stand
for something when everything around me
was pushing me down

I hope I would
and I know we ALL could-

Happy Heroes Day
a day to celebrate the brave men and women
who often give their lives for something they believe in!

What I GET to be!

When I was a young mom,
in the days of feeling overwhelmed,
frazzled and exhausted-

Not all mine, but my house often had more people than we could count

I had a dear friend who told me
to enjoy EVERY day that I have
the privilege of raising my children.
Her reason-
'because one day they grow up and
move away

Proof that they do go away- leaving for an 18 month church mission

and you are left wondering how the
time slipped so quickly away'.

Many a day chaperoning field trips

I am going to be honest and confess
that at the time, I looked at her and thought
'buddy, you're off your rocker'

But not long after,
on a particularly frustrating day,
I stopped and thought about what she said.
And I realized that the wisdom in her
sentiment was the secret clue to mothering
(and parenting)

I changed my perspective from thinking
in terms of 'Everything I have to do in my day"
to thinking of "Everything I get to do in my day"

This helped me a ton to realize that being
with my kids; serving them, playing with them,
being present when they need it most-
all of that is a privilege, a blessing and a gift.

I met some amazing people through classroom volunteering

Just recently, one of my college kids needed
me to cover some expenses that had not been
adequately budgeted for. The money HAD been
there, BUT some really cute clothes, in some
really cute stores seemed to have gotten in the way!

I was a hair irritated,
(to say the least) and was a little less than
wonderful when I had to write the check-

As plain as can be, I had the realization that for
YEARS while I've been raising my children,
I have prayed that we would have the resources to
help them if they ever need it- time, money, talents-
whatever they would need, I pleaded that we
would have the ability to aid them in their
personal development-

Leaving two kids at USU this fall... man do I miss them

and here was a child,
who needed some help
and I had the means to help
AND YET, I was grumbling!!!

Boy oh BOY,
did this message strike me to the core?!

I realized that all the little things we do for our
children and our families can seem really
annoying and bothersome
and it's easy to feel like more like a servant than a
contributing member of society--

Just today, I had to take two lunches to kids at
school because they had left them on the counter-
This used to upset me so much-
I'd go the whole "natural consequences" direction
(if it was recurrent, I would try to fix it)
and refuse to bring the lunches!

The thing is,
I'm a stay at home mom-
have been for 20+ years-
I've played, frolicked, napped
and enjoyed so many WONDERFUL days
because of my MOMHOOD-
why would I have any time to fret
the times I am asked to be up to 
bat to score one for the team??

One more at USU

Mommy-ing can be a little exhausting and
it can seem very thankless at times-

but try to switch your perspective from
everything you have to do each day
(especially those things you have to do
EVERY day)
and focus your attention on all the great
things you GET to BE-
a friend, a confidant, a healer, a hero,
a day rescuer, a wiz at knowing the answer,
a game player, a sounding board
and more important than anything else

an example of EVERYTHING good & virtuous

Here's to MOM's everywhere!