Do NOT Give Up or Give In

We had a pretty crazy summer this year!

We had one daughter who had just left for an 18 month church mission to Germany.

Celebrating Austria, Germany & Switzerland

Our oldest son returned from serving a two year church mission in Missouri & Kansas.

Excited to be Home!!

Our daughter graduated from high school and was a little schizophrenic about choosing a college-

Graduation Day- Ready for a new stage in life

We had swim team, with everyday practices and weekend meets-

We bathe in chlorine...

... strive for the perfect dive,

... take time to enjoy a friend,

... and pray we don't start too early!

Blah, Blah, Blah...

Does your life ever sound like this???

Well, we thought we had things all planned out,
so the summer could be balanced with some relaxation
in the middle of all this chaos-

until one kiddo changed her mind on where she was going to college,
and the plan-
my perfectly thought out and prepared to execute plan,
the plan that took me to Hawaii for a week in September,
got put to rest and we scrambled for a new plan!

All of a sudden we had just a few days to figure out how to get the college kiddos & and all their belongings to Utah in the small car we were letting them take with them.

So in a mad dash trip,
my hubby and I packed part of their stuff, our own stuff & our three younger children
and set off for a wild (and very short) drive half way across the United States.
Unfortunately for the kiddos,
I have been on the warpath to reduce the amount of screen time in our lives-
so I was determined to limit what time they spent on their phones, i-pods, i-pads-
anything portable, with an on/off switch and a screen!

So the hubs decides to get some books on tape-
which my big three kids used to LOVE for road trips
when they were younger-

But these three kids
(who I admit have grown up just a little different than their older siblings)
balked and moaned 
and acted like we were pulling all of their teeth out through their ears!

I mean seriously-

The hubs ALMOST gave in,
and by almost I mean, he totally gave in!
He turned the radio off and uttered a threat to take ALL screen away for eternity because they were too dependent on visual entertainment!

Luckily this momma had a little sense to stop this carnage
before it turned into blood shed-

So I suggested that we give the book on tape a chance-
that we give it twenty minutes.
If they hated it, they could nap and earn 20 bonus points towards the screen time they wanted
(I made them EARN their screen time on this drive)-
AND if they loved it-
well, if they loved it,
Mom got ice cream in Little America, WY :)
(a mom's gotta do what a mom's gotta do, and I took one for the team)

Yum... I did get my ice cream cone!

Anywho...

As I quietly sat in the passenger seat,
listening to the story of the Wizard of Oz,
I was mesmerized by the sweet peace in our car.
We were ALL in our own little world,
but yet we were sharing the same experience.

Occasionally, someone would ask daddy to pause the tape so we
could explain the differences between the movie and the book adaptation-
or they would share their thoughts as they saw connections from the book to the
Broadway play Wicked!

On our way to see Wicked

We would have a little chat, and quickly move on to the book!

A nice & peaceful 17 hours in the car

It was nice-
really, REALLY, REALLY nice!

Let's be realistic, at some point everyone falls asleep in the car

And there is always someone who sprawls out

But it was something we ALMOST gave up on!
The conflict and the opposition was more than hubby could bear,
so this moment-
this really long moment of peace and serenity
ALMOST didn't happen!

This experience,
plus the one I will share tomorrow
have made me keenly aware of my life and my reactions to situations.

I guess it is easy to hit what looks like a brick wall and decide to back away and
try another approach-
but I wonder,
how often are these brick walls made of made of sponges instead
and are easily knocked over?

Our families are the single most important thing in our lives,
but we get distracted and discouraged,
maybe a little too easily-

Don't give up,
Make the changes you know you need to make in your family,
with your spouse,
with your children,
with your community-

I promise,
it is SO worth it in the end!

Stopping in for some delicious Kansas City BBQ

Arches National Park; an unexpected detour

Parenting 101: Find a Worthy Mentor

This is the FIFTH post in a series of SIX

about simple tips that have made a HUGE 

impact on the way I have chosen to raise my 

children.

I've definitely offered the disclaimer that perfect,

I AM NOT-

However, I am 100% confident that these simple

nuggets of advice have made ALL the difference

in how I have raised my children. 

This little Parenting tidbit originates in the Bible-

In the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus is training us on

how to be better people, better stewards and 

ultimately how to become like Him. 

Matthew 7:9-10 offers this counsel, 

"or what man is there of you, whom if his son ask bread, 

will he give him a stone? Or if he ask a fish, will he give him a serpent?”  

I think on this often as I consider the relationship 

I have, or want to have with my children and 

as I ponder over the specific needs that they might have.  

Too scared to go on and too courageous to quit

Someone to give a little one on one encouragement

These verses are especially helpful to me 

when I am faced with a difficult situation with one of our children, 

I try to think more on how my Heavenly Father would 

handle the situation rather than how I WANT to handle the situation. 

In every situation we find ourselves in, 

our Father wants to provide a way for us to learn and 

to become better. 

I try to keep that same focus when I need to council 

or even reprimand our children.

Heavenly Father really wants only what is best for us, 

and we can be sure that He will never give us any less than that. 

I find it so much easier to serve and help my children when 

I keep things in perspective of how our Heavenly Father 

constantly loves, serves, teaches, and guides us. 

No matter what the situation, if I slow down long enough 

to ask myself how a perfect and loving Father would handle 

this exact moment, this exact trial or this exact behavior-

I receive the words I need and the understanding required

to teach a righteous truth to my children. 

It is these moments that always seem to end 

positive for both parent and child.

Balancing weight, size and the center stability

Another aspect of this scripture that I love is that as 

I try to align my parenting style with that of my Heavenly Father, 

my relationship with Heavenly Father increases tremendously. 

I become more aware that everything we are given, 

whether it is a blessing or a trial is a gift from our Father 

and intended for nothing more than our good and our experience.  

I have more faith when things are tough, because I am learning 

that He loves me and only wants what is best for me. 

For me, I have chosen my Heavenly Father as the
pattern for my parenting.
However, I will say,
there are A LOT of people that I know have sincerely
impacted who I am and what type of parent I want to be.
It would be horribly misguiding if I left the influence of
many friends, family members and leaders out of the mix.

The old adage that says 'It takes a village to raise a child'
is right on the money in more ways than one.

Extended Family at a Group Obstacle Course learning the value of team work

Me about to go through the final hole in a spider web of challenge! Honestly the things we can accomplish with teamwork

But ultimately, it is YOU who will influence YOUR children
the most!
At least, in my opinion, that is what I aim for.
There are too many scary and dangerous influences that
have the ability to touch our children's lives
(but that is an entirely different matter altogether)

Find your pattern, mold yourself to it
and do not stray from your values,
your ideals,
your instinct in raising wonderful children.

Parenting 101: Create Oppurtunity

Today, I have the fourth post in my Parenting 101 series :)

If you want a re-cap of what I've suggested already 

start here for the introduction and 

Tip #1 is here
and tips #2 is here

Before I go on, I just really want to let you know

that my home is NOT perfect,

my kids are NOT perfect

Family Photo Flop #12,459

and by all means...

I AM NOT PERFECT- not even close!

What brings me to sharing this advice 

with whoever will listen is an overwhelming sense of 

gratitude that I was not alone in raising my own kiddos.

Every good picture is found in a batch of 250 not so good pictures

Though, I don't want to take away from 

any effort that my hubby and I put into raising our children,

there is NO way I want to take the credit for most of 

the habits and attitudes that we created in our home.

EVERYTHING I have done or will continue to do has been

a direct result of help from above!

I have been prompted to start a habit and not until

several years later have I seen the results of that habit formed.

If I deserve any credit at all,

it has merely been that I've been a good listener. 

Nothing more-

But I promise you that these Parenting Tips are the very core

of how we've raised our own children-

and though they won't create perfect kids-

they will create a more peaceful home environment!

That much I can testify to with all my heart.

So now on to the meat of the matter!

Proverbs 22:6 councils parents to 

“Train up a child in the way he should go; 

and when he is old, he will not depart from it.”

I live by this mantra with my kids-

Create in your homes the opportunity to feel the 

benefits of a job well done

(and by benefits I don't mean a candy bar or 

ice cream cone if they get their homework done)

Create in your home the very personal opportunity to 

feel the spirit and receive answers to prayers. 

This does not just happen naturally in a busy home, 

you have to actively seek and create these opportunities. 

It is important to be prepared at all times to bear testimony 

of the principles you value and want to help your children

appreciate and value as well. 

If we can teach them to find their own 

testimonies while they are in the protection of our homes, 

they will be better prepared to bear that testimony to their friends 

and to stand firm when faced with temptations or trials.

Long ago I had a dear friend give me some council that 

shaped my thoughts and attitudes. 

She is older than I am, she married a little later in life

and never had children. 

I was bemoaning that she had so much time to dedicate

to personal study and worship. 

She said, “Treisha, you were called to be a missionary

and trainer to SIX of God's most valiant soldiers 

that will certainly be needed in our Heavenly Fathers 

army standing for what is truth and righteousness. 

I was called for another work. It’s important that we EACH

fulfill our callings to our better than best ability.” 

I love that she viewed motherhood as missionary work. 

I think my outlook and approach to parenting changed 

a lot that day. I started to view my role as a mother as much 

more than an endless “To Do list” and more of an endless 

“To Teach” list! 

Don't discount the small stuff you do in your homes.

Dedicate one night a week as Family Night,

a night when NO other commitment can interfere, 

including email, texts and social media notifications!

Enjoying an FC Dallas game in Texas

Study the scriptures together-

your kiddos WILL learn from them and with instruction

WILL learn to apply them to their own lives.

Enjoy family meal time- nightly if possible.

It is around the kitchen table to that I learn the most 

about my children. They may not tell me they've had a bad 

day when I say "How was school", but when they are at the 

table and I can SEE their demeanor is lackluster-

I know to push a little harder and get to the core of their needs

BEFORE I send them off to bed to fret over their concerns. 

Raising a Family is truly a TEAM effort- maintain strong family bonds

Consider if you clean your house once a year-

It's a long, tedious & unpleasant job. 

But, if you do just a little cleaning each day & 

with the help of others it goes quick, and 

sometimes you end up having a little fun along the way! 

The same is true with teaching and raising our children, 

especially where spirituality is concerned. 

If we teach spiritual matters in our home infrequently, 

it is a tedious task for our children and we tend to lose their attention. 

But if we share spiritual thoughts and teachings, 

a little each day, we earn their attention and 

they have room enough to receive what we teach. 

Deuteronomy 6:6-7 says, “And these words, 

which I command thee this day, shall be in thine heart: 

And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, 

and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, 

and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, 

and when thou risest up.” 

So basically ALWAYS is a good time for teaching your children

the truth that you want them to learn.

Huddled together on a very COLD day at the beach

ALWAYS is the time for guiding them and instructing them 

on becoming the Adults you want them to be!

One of the scarier moments in my parenting career- I no likey heights!

And ALWAYS is the time to build and fortify the values

that will keep your children safe, secure and prepared 

for a life of joy, peace and fulfillment. 

Parenting 101

A few months ago, I was asked to speak
to a large group of adults in our area.
My topic was "Successful Parenting"
If that wasn't intimidating enough-
the gentleman who asked me said,
"Now what we are really looking for
is practical tips and ideas that can be taken
home and implemented immediately into
the homes of those who attend. We want
them to feel empowered and successful."

Yumminess at Millions of Milkshakes

HOLY COW! I stopped breathing and
IMMEDIATELY had a non stop movie
playing in my mind of ALL the things
I've done to completely scar my children!

If you're going to fight, You're going to be glued together at the hip :) until you can get along

I've spoken to big groups before,
I've spoken about really sensitive topics-
but Parenting, this is a very personal topic!!
Parenting is one of those things that can stir
a lot of emotions- people can easily feel judged,
inadequate, defensive--
and when any of that happens,
lots of people just turn off and come up with
a million reasons why "that won't work at my house!"

He's FINALLY Home!!! Dinner at Chuy's

Man, this felt like a heavy task-
and I didn't want to get it wrong in any way!

I started with a great big prayer
(and a zillion little ones)
and thought about the wonderful gift
that parenting is to me!

Take Part in Fun Family Activities

It is hard, it is often thankless,
and it is always EXHAUSTING...
but if you can step back out of all of that
and realize what a gift it is to be able to influence
the direction, course and outcome of someone's
life- to be THE person that someone thinks of
when they think safe, secure and happy!

Graduation, NOW on to College

My friends,
I KNOW parenting is a gift.

Family Photo Shoot a Million Years Ago

After much thought,
I came up with a defining moment in my
own parenting journey.
It was the realization that my focus needs to be
on a "To Teach" list and not on my normal "To Do" list!

Fun and Happiness, No Matter where we are!

It was when I began to look at my role as a mother
in this way- as a teacher and guide of my children's life journey
that I realized nothing seemed burdensome or tedious anymore.
Nothing seemed trite or menial in my day,
I found an increased desire to help them GAIN something
out of our time together and we found reason to
incorporate joy, team work and beauty into every day-

More than Anything, my hope is that my children are Friends & Lifelong Support Staff for each other

Because let's face it-
"Men are that they might have joy" 2 Nephi 2:25

Relaxing Together & Working Together create a Family that Stays Together

I shared five suggestions that seem to have
made a positive impact on our family. Because
they are very general, there is plenty of room to customize
these suggestions for your home and family life.
Watch for more detail on each suggestion through the week:

 Suggestions for Successful Parenting

1. Create a Vision for Your Family

2. See the Potential in Your Children that they often
can't see in themselves

3. Create in Your Homes Opportunity for Children
to recognize the Spirit of the Lord early in their Lives

4. Hold Regular Family Councils AND Involve the
Children in Big Decisions

5. When BIG Issues Arise, Follow after the Parenting
of a Loving Heavenly Father- His ways will ALWAYS
show you what is needed in your home

What I GET to be!

When I was a young mom,
in the days of feeling overwhelmed,
frazzled and exhausted-

Not all mine, but my house often had more people than we could count

I had a dear friend who told me
to enjoy EVERY day that I have
the privilege of raising my children.
Her reason-
'because one day they grow up and
move away

Proof that they do go away- leaving for an 18 month church mission

and you are left wondering how the
time slipped so quickly away'.

Many a day chaperoning field trips

I am going to be honest and confess
that at the time, I looked at her and thought
'buddy, you're off your rocker'

But not long after,
on a particularly frustrating day,
I stopped and thought about what she said.
And I realized that the wisdom in her
sentiment was the secret clue to mothering
(and parenting)

I changed my perspective from thinking
in terms of 'Everything I have to do in my day"
to thinking of "Everything I get to do in my day"

This helped me a ton to realize that being
with my kids; serving them, playing with them,
being present when they need it most-
all of that is a privilege, a blessing and a gift.

I met some amazing people through classroom volunteering

Just recently, one of my college kids needed
me to cover some expenses that had not been
adequately budgeted for. The money HAD been
there, BUT some really cute clothes, in some
really cute stores seemed to have gotten in the way!

I was a hair irritated,
(to say the least) and was a little less than
wonderful when I had to write the check-

As plain as can be, I had the realization that for
YEARS while I've been raising my children,
I have prayed that we would have the resources to
help them if they ever need it- time, money, talents-
whatever they would need, I pleaded that we
would have the ability to aid them in their
personal development-

Leaving two kids at USU this fall... man do I miss them

and here was a child,
who needed some help
and I had the means to help
AND YET, I was grumbling!!!

Boy oh BOY,
did this message strike me to the core?!

I realized that all the little things we do for our
children and our families can seem really
annoying and bothersome
and it's easy to feel like more like a servant than a
contributing member of society--

Just today, I had to take two lunches to kids at
school because they had left them on the counter-
This used to upset me so much-
I'd go the whole "natural consequences" direction
(if it was recurrent, I would try to fix it)
and refuse to bring the lunches!

The thing is,
I'm a stay at home mom-
have been for 20+ years-
I've played, frolicked, napped
and enjoyed so many WONDERFUL days
because of my MOMHOOD-
why would I have any time to fret
the times I am asked to be up to 
bat to score one for the team??

One more at USU

Mommy-ing can be a little exhausting and
it can seem very thankless at times-

but try to switch your perspective from
everything you have to do each day
(especially those things you have to do
EVERY day)
and focus your attention on all the great
things you GET to BE-
a friend, a confidant, a healer, a hero,
a day rescuer, a wiz at knowing the answer,
a game player, a sounding board
and more important than anything else

an example of EVERYTHING good & virtuous

Here's to MOM's everywhere!