Do NOT Give Up or Give In

We had a pretty crazy summer this year!

We had one daughter who had just left for an 18 month church mission to Germany.

Celebrating Austria, Germany & Switzerland

Our oldest son returned from serving a two year church mission in Missouri & Kansas.

Excited to be Home!!

Our daughter graduated from high school and was a little schizophrenic about choosing a college-

Graduation Day- Ready for a new stage in life

We had swim team, with everyday practices and weekend meets-

We bathe in chlorine...

... strive for the perfect dive,

... take time to enjoy a friend,

... and pray we don't start too early!

Blah, Blah, Blah...

Does your life ever sound like this???

Well, we thought we had things all planned out,
so the summer could be balanced with some relaxation
in the middle of all this chaos-

until one kiddo changed her mind on where she was going to college,
and the plan-
my perfectly thought out and prepared to execute plan,
the plan that took me to Hawaii for a week in September,
got put to rest and we scrambled for a new plan!

All of a sudden we had just a few days to figure out how to get the college kiddos & and all their belongings to Utah in the small car we were letting them take with them.

So in a mad dash trip,
my hubby and I packed part of their stuff, our own stuff & our three younger children
and set off for a wild (and very short) drive half way across the United States.
Unfortunately for the kiddos,
I have been on the warpath to reduce the amount of screen time in our lives-
so I was determined to limit what time they spent on their phones, i-pods, i-pads-
anything portable, with an on/off switch and a screen!

So the hubs decides to get some books on tape-
which my big three kids used to LOVE for road trips
when they were younger-

But these three kids
(who I admit have grown up just a little different than their older siblings)
balked and moaned 
and acted like we were pulling all of their teeth out through their ears!

I mean seriously-

The hubs ALMOST gave in,
and by almost I mean, he totally gave in!
He turned the radio off and uttered a threat to take ALL screen away for eternity because they were too dependent on visual entertainment!

Luckily this momma had a little sense to stop this carnage
before it turned into blood shed-

So I suggested that we give the book on tape a chance-
that we give it twenty minutes.
If they hated it, they could nap and earn 20 bonus points towards the screen time they wanted
(I made them EARN their screen time on this drive)-
AND if they loved it-
well, if they loved it,
Mom got ice cream in Little America, WY :)
(a mom's gotta do what a mom's gotta do, and I took one for the team)

Yum... I did get my ice cream cone!

Anywho...

As I quietly sat in the passenger seat,
listening to the story of the Wizard of Oz,
I was mesmerized by the sweet peace in our car.
We were ALL in our own little world,
but yet we were sharing the same experience.

Occasionally, someone would ask daddy to pause the tape so we
could explain the differences between the movie and the book adaptation-
or they would share their thoughts as they saw connections from the book to the
Broadway play Wicked!

On our way to see Wicked

We would have a little chat, and quickly move on to the book!

A nice & peaceful 17 hours in the car

It was nice-
really, REALLY, REALLY nice!

Let's be realistic, at some point everyone falls asleep in the car

And there is always someone who sprawls out

But it was something we ALMOST gave up on!
The conflict and the opposition was more than hubby could bear,
so this moment-
this really long moment of peace and serenity
ALMOST didn't happen!

This experience,
plus the one I will share tomorrow
have made me keenly aware of my life and my reactions to situations.

I guess it is easy to hit what looks like a brick wall and decide to back away and
try another approach-
but I wonder,
how often are these brick walls made of made of sponges instead
and are easily knocked over?

Our families are the single most important thing in our lives,
but we get distracted and discouraged,
maybe a little too easily-

Don't give up,
Make the changes you know you need to make in your family,
with your spouse,
with your children,
with your community-

I promise,
it is SO worth it in the end!

Stopping in for some delicious Kansas City BBQ

Arches National Park; an unexpected detour

Parenting 101: Create Oppurtunity

Today, I have the fourth post in my Parenting 101 series :)

If you want a re-cap of what I've suggested already 

start here for the introduction and 

Tip #1 is here
and tips #2 is here

Before I go on, I just really want to let you know

that my home is NOT perfect,

my kids are NOT perfect

Family Photo Flop #12,459

and by all means...

I AM NOT PERFECT- not even close!

What brings me to sharing this advice 

with whoever will listen is an overwhelming sense of 

gratitude that I was not alone in raising my own kiddos.

Every good picture is found in a batch of 250 not so good pictures

Though, I don't want to take away from 

any effort that my hubby and I put into raising our children,

there is NO way I want to take the credit for most of 

the habits and attitudes that we created in our home.

EVERYTHING I have done or will continue to do has been

a direct result of help from above!

I have been prompted to start a habit and not until

several years later have I seen the results of that habit formed.

If I deserve any credit at all,

it has merely been that I've been a good listener. 

Nothing more-

But I promise you that these Parenting Tips are the very core

of how we've raised our own children-

and though they won't create perfect kids-

they will create a more peaceful home environment!

That much I can testify to with all my heart.

So now on to the meat of the matter!

Proverbs 22:6 councils parents to 

“Train up a child in the way he should go; 

and when he is old, he will not depart from it.”

I live by this mantra with my kids-

Create in your homes the opportunity to feel the 

benefits of a job well done

(and by benefits I don't mean a candy bar or 

ice cream cone if they get their homework done)

Create in your home the very personal opportunity to 

feel the spirit and receive answers to prayers. 

This does not just happen naturally in a busy home, 

you have to actively seek and create these opportunities. 

It is important to be prepared at all times to bear testimony 

of the principles you value and want to help your children

appreciate and value as well. 

If we can teach them to find their own 

testimonies while they are in the protection of our homes, 

they will be better prepared to bear that testimony to their friends 

and to stand firm when faced with temptations or trials.

Long ago I had a dear friend give me some council that 

shaped my thoughts and attitudes. 

She is older than I am, she married a little later in life

and never had children. 

I was bemoaning that she had so much time to dedicate

to personal study and worship. 

She said, “Treisha, you were called to be a missionary

and trainer to SIX of God's most valiant soldiers 

that will certainly be needed in our Heavenly Fathers 

army standing for what is truth and righteousness. 

I was called for another work. It’s important that we EACH

fulfill our callings to our better than best ability.” 

I love that she viewed motherhood as missionary work. 

I think my outlook and approach to parenting changed 

a lot that day. I started to view my role as a mother as much 

more than an endless “To Do list” and more of an endless 

“To Teach” list! 

Don't discount the small stuff you do in your homes.

Dedicate one night a week as Family Night,

a night when NO other commitment can interfere, 

including email, texts and social media notifications!

Enjoying an FC Dallas game in Texas

Study the scriptures together-

your kiddos WILL learn from them and with instruction

WILL learn to apply them to their own lives.

Enjoy family meal time- nightly if possible.

It is around the kitchen table to that I learn the most 

about my children. They may not tell me they've had a bad 

day when I say "How was school", but when they are at the 

table and I can SEE their demeanor is lackluster-

I know to push a little harder and get to the core of their needs

BEFORE I send them off to bed to fret over their concerns. 

Raising a Family is truly a TEAM effort- maintain strong family bonds

Consider if you clean your house once a year-

It's a long, tedious & unpleasant job. 

But, if you do just a little cleaning each day & 

with the help of others it goes quick, and 

sometimes you end up having a little fun along the way! 

The same is true with teaching and raising our children, 

especially where spirituality is concerned. 

If we teach spiritual matters in our home infrequently, 

it is a tedious task for our children and we tend to lose their attention. 

But if we share spiritual thoughts and teachings, 

a little each day, we earn their attention and 

they have room enough to receive what we teach. 

Deuteronomy 6:6-7 says, “And these words, 

which I command thee this day, shall be in thine heart: 

And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, 

and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, 

and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, 

and when thou risest up.” 

So basically ALWAYS is a good time for teaching your children

the truth that you want them to learn.

Huddled together on a very COLD day at the beach

ALWAYS is the time for guiding them and instructing them 

on becoming the Adults you want them to be!

One of the scarier moments in my parenting career- I no likey heights!

And ALWAYS is the time to build and fortify the values

that will keep your children safe, secure and prepared 

for a life of joy, peace and fulfillment. 

Parenting 101: See What Your Kids Cannot

If you've been following this little Parenting Series,
than Welcome Back!

If you've just found this post,
you might want to catch up with
this post
and than this post.

When I was asked to share my thoughts and advice
on Successful Parenting, my initial reaction
was sheer and utter PANIC-
Every error in judgement, loss of temper
and irrational consequence I ever issued
came flooding back into my memory as if
I was in the middle of a Bad Parent Documentary!

After the initial shock and awe of the assignment,
I decided that I would go directly to the source
of those most affected by my parenting style and decisions-
THE KIDS!!
I know, a little scary right-
I was braced for some pretty haunting tales...

My 20 year old son said, 

Fresh off his 2 year Mission- Happy and Eager to see everyone

“I'm really appreciative that you had a high standard for us- 

you always expected success; there was never any question or second thought about 

what we could accomplish, you knew we had potential 

and you wanted us to know that too - and we do! 

But you also taught us that whatever we accomplished was OK as long as we tried our best. 

So there was a good balance there.” 

My 17 year old daughter said, 

Graduated Top 10 in her class and off to college she goes...

“You put a lot of trust in us, treating us like you really 

believed in our goodness and obedience. This makes it really 

hard to break the rules or disappoint you.” 

My oldest daughter said, 

Parting shot as she heads off to serve an 18 month mission in the Alps!

“Failure and giving up just weren't an option.

It isn't that you drove us to the brink of perfection, but you saw so much

in us that it was hard not to see a little of that too. When things got hard, 

you were right there supporting us and guiding us until we could stand on

our own again. I know that I did more and stretched further because

you saw in me more than I saw in myself."

So in honor of them, my second parenting tip 

is to see the Potential in your children that they can’t see in themselves 

and emulate for them a work ethic that will lead them to this potential. 

With your pattern of living and your expectations, 

they will rise higher than they think they can. When the Savior 

came upon several men in fishing boats, He saw more than fishers.   

He knew of their goodness and their potential and He had a vision for 

them that far exceeded what they thought they could be. 

Though what He asked of them was hard, they followed Him 

and they became great men. 

In Jesus, they had a great example of how they should live their lives. 

Our children do not come equipped with a vision of who they are and 

what they can become. 

It is up to us, to see in them what they can’t see in themselves, 

and to gently guide them in the direction of their success. 

And like Jesus did to Peter who faltered when trying to walk on the water, 

it is up to us to catch them if they start to sink.

I do believe that for the most part, our children will live up 

to the expectations given to them. I know this is true when 

we are actively praying for guidance as we rear our children. 

We have a loving Heavenly Father who has promised us that 

He will never give us more than we can bear. If we choose to emulate 

this wonderful promise for our children, they can be sure that 

we will never ask them to reach further than we know they can go.

 

Parenting 101: Create a Vision

I shared here about an opportunity I had to
speak to a large group about Successful Parenting-
Creating a Vision was the first suggestion I offered to them
as one family habit we have that has made a BIG
difference in our lives...

I am a huge advocate of being a Visionary
when it comes to our own personal lives.

Just like a Mission Statement helps a family, school
or company identify what it is the group
wants to 'DO' and accomplish,

a Vision Statement for an individual
helps identify who we want to BE
and who we will BECOME on this journey
we call life!

We might be DOING what we want to be doing-
but unhappy or dissatisfied because we are NOT
BEING who we want to BE! However, without a
Vision Statement how would we know we
were off target?

Work together to create a vision for your family! 

Proverbs 29:18 councils us “where there is no vision, the people perish.” 

Where do you see yourself, your children 

and your family in 5, 10 or 30 years?

What do you need to do to get there? 

What do you feel is important for your children to learn and become? 

Involve your children, regardless of how old they are

with your FAMILY VISION STATEMENT-

When your children are involved in the family vision, 

they feel a sense of ownership and they have 

an increased desire to support the success of this vision. 

Having a family vision helps us to set priorities in our 

family’s resource management. 

It helps us determine where to spend our time, money and efforts.

Good questions to ask yourself when trying to decide 

how to make a family vision and where to focus your efforts are:

1) does it keep us on track to return as a family back to Heaven Father’s presence and 

2) does this bring our family closer to reaching our divine potential? 

Having a solid family and personal vision will help the family

and/or the individual know how to prioritize their time,

choose wisely the activities they engage in and 

make wise social decisions BEFORE the decision actually 

becomes an issue. 

We have seen the value of this Vision Statement in a few 

different types of situations that seem to recur on a fairly

frequent pattern in our home:

1. The first place our Vision Statement comes in handy is

when we are trying to decide if we can successfully add 

another regularly scheduled lesson or activity to the calendar. 

One of the VISIONS for our family is having a strong sense of 

unity and family bonds.

To ensure the best environment for this cohesiveness to be nourished,

we strive for five nights per week that we can ALL be home

for scripture study and family prayer (with teens, I KNOW this

is hard! It's what we strive for and by the way,

nobody ever said parenting was EASY).

If a new activity looks like it will compromise that VISION,

we don't add it the calendar-

it doesn't even get PENCILED in!! 

If the activity is very important to someone,

we look for ways to add the activity that WON'T have negative 

impact on our family, or we look at what we can CUT from

our lives to make room in our schedule.

2. The second way that having a VISION STATEMENT has proven

valuable is in the blessings that come from seeing ALL that has

already been accomplished from previous VISION STATEMENTS!

It is nice to see how far you've already come on a goal or a vision.

This is ESPECIALLY helpful at times when life gets a little discouraging-

when the bumps and bruises of life deflect from the good and beautiful.

Having a Vision Statement will help keep us focused when life gets a 

little out of balance.

And it helps us see the bigger picture when we feel we've 

gotten off track of the important stuff of life!

Life can get really busy. Life can get really hard!

It is important that whatever we add to our lives

adds JOY, allows us to find and share HAPPINESS

and brings us to a state of peaceful accomplishment-

Parenting 101

A few months ago, I was asked to speak
to a large group of adults in our area.
My topic was "Successful Parenting"
If that wasn't intimidating enough-
the gentleman who asked me said,
"Now what we are really looking for
is practical tips and ideas that can be taken
home and implemented immediately into
the homes of those who attend. We want
them to feel empowered and successful."

Yumminess at Millions of Milkshakes

HOLY COW! I stopped breathing and
IMMEDIATELY had a non stop movie
playing in my mind of ALL the things
I've done to completely scar my children!

If you're going to fight, You're going to be glued together at the hip :) until you can get along

I've spoken to big groups before,
I've spoken about really sensitive topics-
but Parenting, this is a very personal topic!!
Parenting is one of those things that can stir
a lot of emotions- people can easily feel judged,
inadequate, defensive--
and when any of that happens,
lots of people just turn off and come up with
a million reasons why "that won't work at my house!"

He's FINALLY Home!!! Dinner at Chuy's

Man, this felt like a heavy task-
and I didn't want to get it wrong in any way!

I started with a great big prayer
(and a zillion little ones)
and thought about the wonderful gift
that parenting is to me!

Take Part in Fun Family Activities

It is hard, it is often thankless,
and it is always EXHAUSTING...
but if you can step back out of all of that
and realize what a gift it is to be able to influence
the direction, course and outcome of someone's
life- to be THE person that someone thinks of
when they think safe, secure and happy!

Graduation, NOW on to College

My friends,
I KNOW parenting is a gift.

Family Photo Shoot a Million Years Ago

After much thought,
I came up with a defining moment in my
own parenting journey.
It was the realization that my focus needs to be
on a "To Teach" list and not on my normal "To Do" list!

Fun and Happiness, No Matter where we are!

It was when I began to look at my role as a mother
in this way- as a teacher and guide of my children's life journey
that I realized nothing seemed burdensome or tedious anymore.
Nothing seemed trite or menial in my day,
I found an increased desire to help them GAIN something
out of our time together and we found reason to
incorporate joy, team work and beauty into every day-

More than Anything, my hope is that my children are Friends & Lifelong Support Staff for each other

Because let's face it-
"Men are that they might have joy" 2 Nephi 2:25

Relaxing Together & Working Together create a Family that Stays Together

I shared five suggestions that seem to have
made a positive impact on our family. Because
they are very general, there is plenty of room to customize
these suggestions for your home and family life.
Watch for more detail on each suggestion through the week:

 Suggestions for Successful Parenting

1. Create a Vision for Your Family

2. See the Potential in Your Children that they often
can't see in themselves

3. Create in Your Homes Opportunity for Children
to recognize the Spirit of the Lord early in their Lives

4. Hold Regular Family Councils AND Involve the
Children in Big Decisions

5. When BIG Issues Arise, Follow after the Parenting
of a Loving Heavenly Father- His ways will ALWAYS
show you what is needed in your home