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Friday, November 8, 2013

A Nugget in My Pocket

For the past several months,
I have been in Yoga Teacher Training-

I love what yoga does for my mind and my body,
I love that yoga provides for me something that
NOTHING else can even compare with.
I love the concept of yoga,
the poses of yoga and the
application of yoga to daily life-

I guess it's safe to say that
I <3 YOGA!

So while I am in my 
"What do I want to do when I grow up" stage,
I thought doing Yoga Teacher Training would be fun!

I have loved it,
BUT I have to confess, that it has really
taken me on an emotional road of
self discovery and self awareness
that I was TOTALLY unprepared for!

I'm not sure if this happens to everyone-
or just someone like me who is carrying more
garbage than they know about or
want to admit.

One thing that has just been KILLING me
over the past several YEARS
is some decisions that my hubs and I have made
that have me really conflustered!

Because going into them would take all
the cloud space google has to offer, I will
spare you the details-
but in a nutshell, I just can't seem to find any
peace or comfort in this one set of questions.

Well, as I was studying one day,
I had a distinct feeling that I needed to
Quit counting LOSSES-

Devastating MN bridge collapse
HUH, what do you mean 'counting losses'?
It didn't take long before I understood-

Beautiful lesson in the value of family, wellness and gratitude for each day
Over the past 5-6 years we have moved
from wonderful home,
to temporarily living in a friends basement,
to dream home,
to 21 hotel rooms,
back to dream home,
to temporary housing in CA,
to rental home,
to another 4 month temp stint in a hotel,
to dream neighborhood (not so dream home),
to temporary housing in TX,
to TX home...

Did you keep up??
Yeah! Me either!!
Sometimes a blessing is just around the corner of that little maze of life
we have tried really hard to have good attitudes-
we've teased about many of the dynamics of
each crazy living arrangement.
We've laughed, we've joked,
we've made the best of EVERY situation-
until now.
And for some reason, the emotions of the past
several years have crept up and gotten a tight
grasp on a lot of our hearts.

So as I was studying and pondering the impact
of all these moves on my courage and faith to move
forward in uncertain situations, I realized that I
am more cautious, more timid and less trusting
and outgoing than I normally have been.
And I've realized that I kinda don't like it!

I realized I have been counting losses that have
been accumulated over the course of all this change-
loss of stabilty,
loss of friends,
loss of connection,
loss of time due to acclimation,
loss of time due to emotions left unchecked,
loss of..... the list is long-

But by counting all these losses,
I was completely and totally neglecting
all the GAINS of the past several years-
gain of experience,
gain of knowledge,
gain of travel,
gain of friends,
gain of perspective,
gain of empathy,
gain of.... and the list can go on and on-

Annual 4th of July Bike Parade

Friends from birth-
It was such a simple switch,
such a simple & beautiful concept,
and such an empowering concept,
that for some reason I had completely missed it all
while out planning my own Pity Party.

I wish I could declare to friends and family that
this life is all about wonder and beauty and blessings
and abundance and ease and comfort and security
and health and wellness and goodness-

Blessings abound in every obstacle we might face
It just ain't
(that was life before the apple)

even amidst it's trial and testing and challenges
and obstacles and doubt and confusion and
frustration and disappointment and
unrealized dreams and hardship and loss
and suffering and pain-
has elements of Heaven wrapped up in every day-
we might have to look,
we might have to do a little digging and
for sure, definitely, and most likely
we might have to put on different colored glasses
to see it-
but I know like I know nothing else that
mercy, grace and absolute love
FILL our very existence
every day, every hour, every minute-

Do you see gross dog germs or the faithful companionship between a girl and her dog?
It all depends on if we are going to pick these
little nuggets up and carry them away in our back pockets!

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