The Blossom of a Flower

I have been thinking about this for several days
and decided that the thought needed to be put
into writing- maybe just for me-
but hopefully for you too.

I am almost 100% sure that I am not the only
mom/woman/human/adult (pick your noun)
who worries about the life they are living
and if it is the life they should be or COULD be living!

I have been really been struggling since we made
this most recent move!
It's been almost 2 years, for crying out loud-
and I just can't seem to get any semblance of
BELONGING!

Honestly it is the weirdest thing...
I wish I could explain it without sounding WEIRD!

Anyway,
I have offered many prayers on this matter and
a few days ago, I feel that I got a mini-answer
Maybe not an answer,
but definitely a little bit of an understanding.

You see,
I feel like I've been holding back since we moved to Texas-
definitely not on purpose,
and definitely not on everything...
but I've been holding back those things that I love-
love to share, love to create and love to do!

For 9 years we lived somewhere that we loved-

Our beautiful home in small town MN

kind people, great friends, awesome experiences!

Pig Roast in a garage- classic MN entertaining venue

I loved to decorate, craft, scrapbook, sew

Ten years of Ornament Exchange ornamentation- my favorite tradition EVER!!

and mostly I loved to host...

Andover Ward Ten Year Anniversary

ANYTHING and EVERYTHING-

I loved to find a reason to have a bunch
of people together laughing and having a good time!

6th Annual 4th of July Bike Parade

We had a lot of space,

Human Foosball at our 'Nothing Like a Good Friend Party'

a lot of flexibility

Ice Hockey on our Front Yard Pond

and it was simply what I LOVED to do...

Every good Bike Parade ends with a game of Water Baseball

I started hearing some pretty unkind criticism of
the things I loved to do,
and I noticed that I started to hold back and feel
anxious when I wanted to host a party or an activity-
I tried so hard to not allow the unkind remarks of some
to influence my heart,
but I fell prey to human emotion
and the remarks left a sting.

And then we moved...
No one knew me, which meant
no one knew what I did in my spare time
or what talents or skills I had or didn't have

and I found that I became a different version of ME!

We became Beach Bumms to the MAX

To be honest, I liked this version of me quite a bit too...
weekends at the beach,

Muscle Beach... always a FAV

Any Day is a Beach Day

lunch with friends, shopping in the city-
my husband has teased that I was on a 3 year play date :)

And because I felt like a blank slate,
I incorporated some things into my life that I hadn't
taken enough time for before-

Yoga moved from an exercise routine to a way of life

Over time, I started to add some of the old me back
into my life and things were really starting to click
that this could be my new HOME!

Pasta Parties before a Swim Meet

Kids in the Kitchen cooking classes

AND THEN WE MOVED AGAIN!

and I feel like a clean slate that just doesn't dare to be
inked up or colored on.
But I also feel a little lost and a lot lonely-


Now I want to take a minute to say, that
there are some things that I have added to my life
because of where I am emotionally that I LOVE-

So I'm not a male accordion player- but I do spend a lot of time in peaceful contentment

and honestly I wouldn't trade these things for the world-
or for either of my past lives!
 
But it doesn't change the fact that I feel a little disconnected...

So as I was praying one day,
desperate for guidance or understanding,
I envisioned a beautiful flower-

alone in a meadow.
Though the flower was alone amongst all the green foliage,
it was blossoming in it's full glory-
big, colorful and full of God's splendor.

I realized that not for one moment did that flower
hesitate to bloom,

never once did it question how long it
would be able to sustain that blossom nor did it ask
how many people would get to see it's beauty-

The flower blossomed because it was time
AND that is what it was created to do-
to reach it's full potential,
to magnify the measure of its creation.

I thought about this ALL day-
and I asked myself a lot of questions.

Why am I holding back?
What am I holding back?
Who am I waiting to give me permission to live the life
I want to live?
Why do I think it matters where I live to fulfill the full
measure of MY creation?

I loved this visual aid that Heavenly Father gave me.
I do better when I can SEE the lesson-
and I could SEE this!
Not only could I see the flower imagery,
but I could apply it into my own life.

I understand a little more why I feel so disconnected
AND more importantly,
I understand what I need to do to fix it-

I need to consider my life as a wonderful journey-
similar to a walk in a park with little kids!

My kiddos could walk along and gather
anything and everything-
rocks, sticks, leaves...
At the end of the day they were the same
beautiful kids they were at days beginning
(probably a little dirtier)
BUT they had a lot of little treasures to take home with them!
Some we kept,

It's not what you do, but who you do it with that really matters

some we tossed

These treasures weren't tossed, they just all moved on to their own bigger and better

and some were precious enough to display...

Some people come into your life long enough to make a forever imprint on your heart

I just happen to be walking through a much larger park :)

I just need to remember that we have gathered some amazing treasures over the years

Enjoy your day
Enjoy where you are right now
And never let a single day pass by
without living up to the full potential of THAT DAY